


That Side of Paradise

by Jo (jmathieson)



Series: Tangents and Intersections ~ Kink Bingo 2013 [78]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aphrodisiacs, Blow Jobs, Butt Plugs, Community: kink_bingo, Handcuffs, Jossed, M/M, Protective Avengers, Sex Pollen, Shield has paperwork for everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-09
Updated: 2013-10-09
Packaged: 2017-12-28 22:55:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/997886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jmathieson/pseuds/Jo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil gets hit with sex pollen. Again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Side of Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> Kink Bingo Round Six (2013) ~ Drugs/Aphrodisiacs
> 
>  **Author's Note** : Mildly dubious consent because sex pollen.

"Specialist Barton, there is an urgent call for you from Deputy-Director Hill," said JARVIS. Clint looked up from the movie he was watching in the Stark Tower common room with Cap and Nat. 

"Put her through," Clint said. Cap grabbed the remote to pause the movie, and Maria Hill's voice came through, replacing JARVIS'.

"Barton, there's been an incident at headquarters involving Agent Coulson, as well as a number of others." Clint's guts clenched in fear.

"Is Phil OK?"

"He's fine, or rather he will be. It was a 478-K."

"Aw shit, not again."

Nat was looking at him sympathetically, Cap looked confused. 

"There were a number of personnel involved, and since you're on record as his - "

"Yeah, yeah, send him home."

Clint was up off the couch and raiding Tony's minibar for those little packages of fancy health food snacks he was always eating. He grabbed a handful of packages and started ripping open one that was apparently 'carob-covered goji and blueberry nuggets.'

"The contaminant in question was airborne. That's why so many personnel were affected. We've followed all the hazmat procedures, but Coulson could still be contaminated, and I don't want to put anyone else at risk," said Hill.

"I follow. JARVIS, where's Bruce?"

"Dr. Banner is with Mr. Stark in his laboratory."

"Could you patch him in please?"

"Certainly, one moment."

"What's up, Clint?"

"Um, there was a 478-K incident at SHIELD headquarters. They want to send Coulson home. Can we borrow one of your labs that's got full bio-containment for a couple of days?"

"Sure, of course. Is Coulson OK?"

"He will be. Thanks. Hill, we're good here. We'll have full bio-containment in place by the time he gets here. JARVIS, clear a section of the parking area and lock down the elevator closest to Bruce's lab."

"Wait. Hold on a second." Tony's voice came through, "What's a K47-whatever? What is Agent contaminated with? What kind of bio-hazard are you bringing into my tower?"

Clint ignored him.

"Hill, what Level is it, do we know yet?"

"Level 3."

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I was sore for a week after the last time."

"Was that the accident with the exploding roses?" asked Nat.

"No, that was the time before last, and that was only a Level Two, thank God. No, last time was the lab we raided with the blue ooze, remember?"

"How could I forget walking into a store-room and finding five junior agents standing around in a circle with their pants around their ankles?" Cap's ears started to turn slightly pink.

"Level Three of what? Would someone please tell me what's going on here?" Tony was saying.

"478-K is apparently the SHIELD code for exposure to drugs or other synthetic or natural substances that have aphrodisiac properties," said Bruce. 

"What? Where? How do you know this?" 

"I'm reading it from the copy of the SHIELD procedure manual that you hacked. Level Three looks pretty... um..." 

"What? Let me see that. So you're telling me that this happens often enough that SHIELD has procedures for it?"

"And paperwork. An entire stack of very embarrassing paperwork," said Nat. Cap's ears went even more pink.

A low whistle from Tony came through. "All I can say Barton is, good luck."

"Thanks." Clint washed down a mouthful of an energy bar that apparently contained 'chocolate, guarana and ginseng' with a swig of Gatorade. Maybe the ginseng would help him keep up. "Could you maybe get us a mattress for the lab?"

"I'll do that," Cap said, jumping up off the sofa, glad to have something to do that wasn't sitting around and listening to his teammates talking about aphrodisiacs and planning a marathon sex session.

"Thanks, Cap."

"Glad to help, is there anything else you need?"

"A couple of blankets, a stack of clean towels and a six-pack of Gatorade would be awesome. Thanks!"

As soon as Cap was out of range, Clint asked JARVIS, "How much lube do we have?"

"At your normal rate of usage, enough for about three weeks."

Clint shook his head. "Might not be enough."

"I've got some," said Nat, "I'll go get it for you. Anything else I can do?"

"Nah, you know what it's like."

"Yeah. I don't think I ever thanked you, by the way, for that time in Schenectady. You were very sweet."

"Hey, anything for a friend - well, anything for you. You know that."

"I'll stick around, in case you need anything."

"Thanks." Clint stuffed a couple more energy bars in his pockets. "I'm going to head down to the lab. JARVIS, please tell me when Agent Coulson gets to the Tower."

"I will sir, their ETA is approximately 16 minutes."

"Thanks."

Clint found Bruce and Cap moving furniture around one of Bruce's biochemistry labs. 

"Oh, hey, guys. You don't need to do that."

"Well, we thought you'd be a little more comfortable this way."

Clint saw that Cap had brought in not just a mattress, but an entire futon and frame, with bedding, as well as the towels and Gatorade. Bruce was sliding a mini-fridge over beside the bed.

"That's full of snacks and stuff, and the coffee maker is here," Tony said, pointing to an espresso machine sitting on a lab bench. "JARVIS, walls to full privacy mode, and transfer all controls for this floor to Barton."

"Done, sir."

"Thanks, guys. I really appreciate this. We're used to a tiny cubicle in SHIELD's medical quarantine ward. This is going to be real luxury."

"So this is something that actually happens often," said Bruce, looking skeptical.

"Annoyingly often. Mad scientists and drug lords are always trying to create some super-pheromone thing, or the perfect aphrodisiac, so considering how often SHIELD deals with mad scientists and drug lords... I mean, everyone tries to be pretty careful, but every so often someone knocks over a big vat of blue goo during the fighting and the next thing you know you have a dozen desperately horny agents and specialists looking at each other sideways."

"Sounds like it could be fun," said Tony with a leer.

"Believe me, so not fun. Embarrassing, tiring, painful, emotionally draining, and when it's a Level 4, terrifying. So not fun."

"Level 4, what's a Level 4?"

"Fuck or die."

"Christ. That happens?" 

"It happens. Only once to us, so far, thank God." 

"So how long does it take this..." Bruce started to ask.

"Sex pollen."

"Sex pollen?" Tony nearly squeaked. 

"S'what we usually call it, you know after the Star Trek episode." Cap opened his mouth to say, 'I've seen that one,' but thought better of it and shut it again.

Tony was shaking his head. 

"How long does it take the... sex pollen... to wear off?" asked Bruce.

"Depends. No more than 48 hours, if we're lucky. Though there was a time about five years ago that some mad scientist actually managed to fuck up the delayed release component and the stuff he made lasted a week. They had to give everyone affected a full two weeks medical leave. Sitwell still goes pale when anybody mentions it."

"Specialist Barton, Agent Coulson is seven minutes away from the tower."

"Thanks JARVIS."

"Guys I need to go grab some stuff from our suite and um... get ready. Thanks again for all your help. I really appreciate it, and I know Phil will too."

"Hey, no problem. Anything you need, anything at all, we'll get it for you. I'm just sorry I don't have time to install a hot tub. If this is something that happens regularly, maybe I should build a special quarantine suite, for next time. It could have a king-sized water bed and we could use it as extra guest quarters when nobody's..." Bruce and Cap each took one of Tony's elbows and led him out.

Clint headed up to their suite. He shucked off his clothes and opened their toy drawer. He grabbed a bag from the closet and started tossing things into it. A couple of butt plugs and vibrators. Phil's favourite set of anal beads. The cuffs and some rope, just in case. All the lube he could find. Ointment. The first-aid kit. Underwear, t-shirts, and sweats for both of them and a change of clothes for Phil. He looked around. He couldn't think of anything else.

Clint sighed. Dug one of the half-empty bottles of lube back out of the bag and grabbed a medium-sized butt plug. Walking around with it in for a while wasn't going to be fun, but it would help a lot, later. He lubed his fingers, put one foot up on the bed and worked himself open. It wasn't easy, because he couldn't really relax, not knowing what state Phil was in... Though if his condition had changed, the team transporting him would have called... Clint sighed, and tried to loosen up. Under different circumstances, he'd just shove the plug in despite the burn, but knowing what was ahead, he wanted to go as easy on his ass as possible. He closed his eyes, and pictured Phil's. Smiling, trusting him. Trusting Clint to take care of him, to make it OK. Clint relaxed and slipped the plug in. He pulled on sweatpants and a t-shirt, and headed, waddling slightly, for the elevators.

He just had time to stow the bag of gear in the lab when JARVIS said,

"Agent Coulson and his escort have just entered the parking structure, they will be arriving on your floor momentarily."

Clint took a deep breath and blew it out. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, the plug in his ass making him uncomfortable. The elevator dinged and the door slid open.

Three figures in bright yellow hazmat suits came awkwardly through the doors.

The one in the middle was wearing handcuffs.

"Why is he cuffed?" Clint demanded angrily, ready to punch out either or both of the junior agents bracketing Phil.

"He specifically requested it, sir. Here, he signed..." One of the juniors was handing him a clipboard full of paperwork. Clint took it and glared at it for a minute before looking back up.

"OK, fine, whatever. Thanks, you can fuck off now."

"Um... under the SHIELD protocols for a 478-K incident, I'm handing over custody of Senior Agent Phillip Coulson to Specialist Clint Barton as his primary nominee of record and his medical proxy." The junior agent not reciting protocol handed Clint a set of keys.

"Yeah. Good. I'll vouch for you guys following procedures. Now go!" Clint didn't bother to see if they were actually leaving, but grabbed Phil's upper arm and dragged him towards the door of the lab.

Once inside, he said, "Turn around so I can undo the cuffs."

"No, Clint, wait."

"Phil." Clint looked through the plastic faceplate of the hazmat suit and could see sweat trickling down the side of his face. 

"You don't need to do this. It's just a Level Three. I'll be OK on my own, just give me a vibrator and a tub of lube and..."

"You try this every time Phil, and it never works. There is no fucking way I'm leaving you to deal with this by yourself."

"But I hurt you last time!"

"You didn't hurt me. Yes, I was a little sore. No, I didn't mind. No, I'm not leaving you. No, there's no way you're going to convince me to, so just forget it."

"Clint..." 

"Phil. I love you. Let me take care of you."

Phil closed his eyes, giving up. He turned to give Clint access to the handcuffs.

"Actually, if you don't mind me leaving them on for a couple of minutes, I have an idea."

"I don't mind."

Clint grabbed a pair of scissors from a nearby lab bench and sank to his knees in front of Phil.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking the edge off before I let you out of the handcuffs and the rest of that suit. OK?"

"Clint, you know I'm not going to say 'no' to anything right now."

"Yeah," Clint looked up and grinned, "I was kinda counting on that. I'm going to take good care of you Phil, don't worry."

"I love you," Phil said, his voice tinny through the filter of the suit.

Clint carefully cut away the papery fabric of the hazmat suit around Phil's groin, exposing a hard, red, leaking dick. Phil sighed as it came into contact with the cooler air of the lab. Phil was still hanging onto his self control by his fingernails. He'd asked to be cuffed during transport so that he didn't spend the car ride desperately jerking himself off in front of two junior agents. There was an unwritten rule at SHIELD (as well as several written ones) that you didn't talk about how anyone behaved during a 478-K. You didn't talk about what you saw or heard. But Phil had a lot of dignity, and he was damned if he was going to let yet another sex pollen encounter strip him of it.

So when Clint knelt in front of him and cut away the fabric of the suit, he just managed not to thrust, and just managed not to beg. But Clint had been in this situation before, and on the other side of the fence once, so he didn't waste any time. He gripped Phil's hips firmly, opened his mouth, and swallowed Phil to the root. All it took was Clint swallowing around his dick once and Phil was coming, gasping and moaning, his hips jerking in Clint's grasp. Through it all Clint just held on and swallowed again and again, until Phil's knees were shaking and he nearly buckled. Clint slipped off.

"OK, now let's get you free and naked and horizontal." Clint undid the cuffs and tossed them and the keys into a far corner of the lab. He unzipped the hood of the suit, and his gut clenched at how flushed and sweaty Phil was.

"Are they sure it's only a Level Three?" he asked, concerned.

"Yes. It's a bad one though."

"Worse than the blue goo?"

"Yes."

"Shit."

"Clint, you can still leave, I'll - "

"Shut up, Phil. I'm not having this conversation with you again."

Clint stripped the hazmat suit off him. "Go lie down."

Phil didn't argue with that, which was good, since he looked like he was about to fall down. Clint grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, opened it, and handed it to him. 

"Drink this. I'll be right back." He took a hand towel from the stack Cap had left and soaked it in cool water in one of the lab sinks. Then he sat down on the futon next to Phil and started to wipe his face.

"That feels good. Thank you." Phil looked at him with fever-bright eyes and Clint wanted nothing more than to wrap Phil in his arms and make it all go away. He couldn't do that, but he could do the next best thing, he could make Phil as comfortable as possible, and let Phil fuck him as many times as he needed to. He took the empty water bottle from Phil's hand and put it and the damp towel on top of the mini fridge. He dragged the bag with the lube and clothes and toys over so that it was near to hand next to the bed. He took a couple of bottles of lube out and dropped them on the bed, and then he stripped out of the t-shirt and sweatpants he was wearing.

As he stretched out naked on the bed, Phil was already reaching for him, running his hands over Clint's chest and shoulders and arms.

"Come here," Clint pulled him close and wrapped his arms and legs around him, wanting to offer what comfort he could until the drugs in Phil's system overwhelmed him again.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Phil was kissing his shoulder, his neck, his jaw, everywhere he could easily reach. The feeling of being wrapped safely in Clint's arms after having spent two hours in SHIELD Medical undergoing tests and decontamination procedures was heaven. He let himself sink into the feel of Clint's skin, the smell of him, the taste of him.

"Just give me a sec, here, Phil, and then you can have me." 

Phil realized when he heard Clint talking that he'd been rutting against Clint's body and biting his shoulder.

"Fuck, Clint, I'm sorry. You should have stopped me. I - "

"Now why would I stop you? Just..." Clint had hitched up one leg and was reaching behind himself. He grunted and Phil heard a distinctive squelchy popping sound. Clint wrapped the butt plug in the damp towel he'd used earlier and tossed the bundle aside. He made a mental note to ask for a laundry hamper when he contacted Nat later.

"OK, Phil, I'm all ready for you, how do you want me?"

"Clint... I..."

"Phil, just quit it. Remember those medical proxy forms we signed, way back when?"

"Yes."

"Well they say that I get to decide what's best for you when you're sick or unconscious or compromised. Right now you're compromised. And I've decided that what's best is for you to fuck me into next week. So do it." Clint lay back and did the trick where he crossed his ankles behind his head, presenting his slick open ass in the most enticing way possible.

Phil growled and fell on him, sliding home in one powerful stroke and putting his teeth back on Clint's neck as he started to fuck. 

"I love you, Phil." Clint said into his ear, and closed his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks always to my excellent editors t! and Shazrolane.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr at: [Queen of Wands](http://jmathieson-fic.tumblr.com/)


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